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1-900-UPRAYCan you hear me now?  .. good.  This was the catch line used by Verizon to brag on how good their service is. But much like with computers most are either Apple/Mac people or they are PC and Microsoft people.  With computers these your choices of poisons.  Which evil empire will you join forces with?

bluetooth faithNow in the world of telephony the world has gone wireless.  Some are joining this communication wonder of wireless phones kicking and screaming, but on the other hand I like techy gadgets, and my words of advice to those who are still hesistant .. "come on in the water is fine."

Ok, it seems I am a bit off track.  The Back Pew has a ministry goal of sharing Clean Humor and God's Truth and I am still blabbering about telephony. So let me now segue now

to another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land with no ROAMING charges. There is a text message notice on your screen: your next stop: the The 4 bars of service Zone, and available Wi-fi networks..

You sign in using a 8 digit passcode which must include at least one alpha, one numeric, and one special character and not a passcode you have used in the previous 6 minutes. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Twilight Zone of Mobile Phones.

THIS IS a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and faith, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call "The Wireless 4 bars of service Twilight Zone of Faith". ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

teenager assymilatedWe are all familiar with life in this Twilight Zone of Faith.  It was not that many years ago when a dropped call was literally dropping your phone because it was tethered by a ever tangled phone cord.  Those who I percieved to have good phones back in the 1970s were those who had those super long cords that you could practically walk out your front door across the street to retreive your mail from your mailbox without the phone cord ever truly becoming taut.

The other fun memory from this past Telephony Zone dimension has to do with those long cords and how tangled they became. They looked like a a twisted bound up intestine in PAIN.  So tangled you would have to hold one end of the cord above your head and then dangle with phone below and watch it spin as it untangled like a centrifuge able to generate enough power (if harnessed) for a whole city block for one day.

Today, I rarely see a corded phone in private homes. Of course in our home we have a set of 4 cordless phones that run off of one phone plug in.  The reception is great, but the new challenge instead of a twisted cord is.. WHERE did all these cordless phones go?  Under a cushion? in the bathroom? out on the deck railing? Finding cordless phones in our house is as frustrating as matching socks. 

The major growth in the area of telephones is of course with mobile phones. When the first came out they were big (we called them the BRICK) and were reserved for mostly company use, but now most everyone has one. Not only do most people have a cell phone, but more and more have smart phones that you can send and recieve calls, emails, texts, documents, tweet, and browse the internet.  Most of these smartphones have a whole range of apps that do most everthing you can imagine from following sports, to viewing movies, the news, and my favorite feature is the driving navigation features. This minimizes the risk that I would have to stop and do the unmanly thing of asking for directions.  I still get lost but now I can blame technology.

angryphonecallOne common area of stress today and yesteryear regarding phones are the DREADED TELEMARKETERS. You can't stop them, you can only hope to contain them!

With regards to church I have found two new post modern sins of compromise regarding our beloved cellphones. 

  1. Cellphones in church that have not had their ringers on mute.
  2. Texting or gaming in church

cellphonesinchurch2  texting in church

I am sure if Jesus walked among us today he would have used cellphones as parable object lessons to speak great spritural truths regarding Heaven.

Then with many of these phones being smart phones it makes our population both more connected and more detached.  A very common scene now when I go out to dinner is everyone on their phones.  They are either texting, talking, checking email, the weather, movie times, or playing games with others EVEN others often sitting at their same table. 

dogatephoneThen there is the delimma of dropped calls, dead zones, lost phones, damaged phones, and phones.. eaten by DOGS.  Much like the dilemma of losing a TV remote can paralyze and entire family as know one knows how to change channels without one.. in the same way many cannot find peace in this life without their cellphone.  Ranking right after the decision to follow Jesus for many is the decision of what smartphone to purchase.  You think I am kidding.. I am not sure I am.

angelcellphonesWith all these great phone services available today, it makes me wonder how God ever got along without a good wireless plan.  Angels we heard on High that first Christmas morning.. but what mobile plan did they use?  Can you hear me now?  GOOD!

deity hotlineHow about all the prayers God must hear and process.  My wife cannot hear me on my cellphone when I am in certain rooms of the house.  God must not be using Verizon, because if He did I believe it would only lead to dropped 'prayers' and frustrations for all involved.

palmtreeand finally there are those who have been known to use their phone for a little playful Song of Solomon encounter.  SAY NO MORE SAY NO MORE!

   

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