Dear Pastor...

I would like to make have a few suggestions in hopes that our church could be like those
army ads share.. TO BE ALL THAT WE CAN BE!

1. We need a CHURCH ORGAN. What kind of church are we without a church organ.
GOD IS NOT AMUSED! I believe the children of Israel traveled to the promised land carrying the bones of
Joseph, and a church organ.

2. Every church worth it's salt (no pun intended) needs a 72 year old woman sharing 'MISSION MOMENTS'.
You know, that little old lady who shares about the struggling mission work on an island of canibals
(ps - please send food!).

3. The Senior Pastor should be wearing a 3 piece suit, and stand behind a pulpit. I notice you wear a sweater
and dockers, and a wireless mic. GOD IS NOT AMUSED!!

4. What ever happened to 'Blest be the tie that binds'? We close our services with the offer "if anyone has need
of prayer you can see ya-da-da blah-blah-blah.. BUT WHERE IS THE BLEST BE PART?? or at least a

5. WORSHIP SONGS/CHURCH MUSIC.. if we must get contemporary.. then why can't we sing.. the
standards.. 'Pass it on', and 'Kum-by-ya my Lord'? And why do we have to stand all the time? I HATE

6. HELL FIRE - We need more hell fire sermons to balance out the Grace message.

7. One last issue. I believe it is time for you to declare from the pulpit that playing cards are from the devil,
and the only approved card games shall be rook, and uno. WE MUST SET STANDARDS!!

Well that is it for now. As always, I am just trying to keep Grace on the straight and narrow.

No need to thank me.. I'm here for ya.

-Anonymously Your Friend

ps - Can I still be a Baptist even though I am not a Calvinist (I'm a free- williest)?